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Literature
NaruHina Chronicles Ch. 3
NaruHina Chronicles Ch. 3: Awaken the Wind Dragon.
The morning sun rose and unleashed it’s warmth upon the field where there were two tents. One was taken down and another was standing up. There also was a campfire that died over night; a waterfall fell into a nearby pond that flowed into a small stream out into the forest. In the standing tent there were two people in under the covers. Naruto woke up first with the sun beating down upon his shut eyes. He looked over next to him where Hinata was sleeping. He was down to his boxer shorts and Hinata was down to her bra and panties. He tried to remember if they did anything other than make
Literature
Sasusaku chapter 6
Sasusaku chap 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Chapter 6
“Now, Sasuke, there are questions I need you to answer.” Tsunade stated, now sitting at her desk.
Sasuke looked up from watching Sakura and nodded.
“What did you do after you killed Orochimaru?” She asked.
“I gathered a team that I had been planning on gathering since I met them all.”
“Who are they?” Naruto asked, slightly hurt that Sasuke had chosen them over him and Sakura.
“Juugo, Karin, and Suigetsu.”
Naruto nodded and continued to stare out of the window, sitting in a chair next to the couch Sakura was sleeping on.
“
Literature
Sasusaku chap 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Last time:
“Mitotic Regeneration?” He asked.
“Yes… my body will heal itself for the duration of this jutsu, almost instantaneously. I’m fine, don’t worry…”
“There are after-affects.” Sasuke stated.
“Yes.” She whispered back. “Now let me finish him, I deserve that much.” Raising her fist, glowing blue with chakra, she whispered, “Get back.”
Chapter 4:
Not waiting for him, she punched the ground, creating a massive earthquake; the ground splitting beneath their feet. Sai was forced to jump out of the way, into the air, thus l
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This is a story that I've been writing for a while. I would really love some feedback. Is there anything that sounds weird, or any mention of the name Amri? And the man at the end, was all that clear? And is there any suggestions at all?
Ok, thanks a bunch.
P.S. This is nothing like Harry Potter. There are no wands, no magical words, and no weird animals.
I apologize for anyone who's into religion out there. I meant no offense.
This is a story that I've been writing for a while. I would really love some feedback. Is there anything that sounds weird, or any mention of the name Amri? And the man at the end, was all that clear? And is there any suggestions at all?
Ok, thanks a bunch.
P.S. This is nothing like Harry Potter. There are no wands, no magical words, and no weird animals.
I apologize for anyone who's into religion out there. I meant no offense.
Mature
© 2007 - 2024 S-D-J
Comments7
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oh, sorry. I forgot to answer your questions...
Amri is never mentioned; and I actually was really confused near the end, in fact, I can tell you exactly the point where my confusion started :
"“Jesus is a myth.” Fieryn said absently. Her mouth wasn’t working well. “He’s a god.”
“No. He is an angel. God’s a myth. Granted, an elaborate one, but a myth none the less.” Aryas said, catching on to their inside joke. Fieryn and Navai’s heads whipped around to stare at Aryas. They looked like bloodhounds detecting blood.
“How do you know that?” Navai demanded, not unkindly. Aryas shrugged.
“My Godfather’s an angel, purebred. Not to mention, have you ever seen a beautiful human man…with wings?” Both girls whipped back around and stared at him. There it was a movement on his shoulder. Aryas was right! The man had wings furled up against his back. Now that she was star- er- looking, the wings were black and reached almost to his knees.
“Michael, he is an angel.” Fieryn gaped.
“Yup. Good luck. Go get him!”"
first of all, throughout this part it's not clear all of the time who's speaking and who isn't. and the dialogue itself is confusing as well, when it comes down to it.
plus, that first sentence ["Jesus is a myth" [...]] isn't exactly understandable to me, sorry.
hope I've helped.
Amri is never mentioned; and I actually was really confused near the end, in fact, I can tell you exactly the point where my confusion started :
"“Jesus is a myth.” Fieryn said absently. Her mouth wasn’t working well. “He’s a god.”
“No. He is an angel. God’s a myth. Granted, an elaborate one, but a myth none the less.” Aryas said, catching on to their inside joke. Fieryn and Navai’s heads whipped around to stare at Aryas. They looked like bloodhounds detecting blood.
“How do you know that?” Navai demanded, not unkindly. Aryas shrugged.
“My Godfather’s an angel, purebred. Not to mention, have you ever seen a beautiful human man…with wings?” Both girls whipped back around and stared at him. There it was a movement on his shoulder. Aryas was right! The man had wings furled up against his back. Now that she was star- er- looking, the wings were black and reached almost to his knees.
“Michael, he is an angel.” Fieryn gaped.
“Yup. Good luck. Go get him!”"
first of all, throughout this part it's not clear all of the time who's speaking and who isn't. and the dialogue itself is confusing as well, when it comes down to it.
plus, that first sentence ["Jesus is a myth" [...]] isn't exactly understandable to me, sorry.
hope I've helped.